Small voice wins

 

Big voice says

I am so proud of you

You know more

Do more

Have more

Now wonder they donít get you

Donít like you

 

Small voice says

I am unsure . . . at risk

Is this all there is?

Can I keep this up?

Will they find me out?

 

I feel lost

I have lost my sense of wonder

I cannot remember the last time I was enchanted with someone

Or some thing

Or surprised by joy

 

I feel vulnerable

I am vulnerable

(I feel alone when I am with those I know best)

This is not real

Not good

But where is my outrage?

My anger?

My guilt?

My deep, deep dissatisfaction with what I have become?

 

Big voice says

Donít be small

Donít play the smaller game

You know more

Do more

Have more

You are winning

 

Small voice says

No, no

I want my innocence back

I donít want to be big

I want to be small

Travel light

Go anywhere

Fit in small places

Be spontaneous

Open

Reborn in knowing less, doing less, having less

Being more

 

Big voice says

You donít make sense

This is not the path we have been on

 

Small voice says

I want to be fascinated

Lose myself in the moment

Be in awe

Tremble in the presence of the sacred

I want to be small again

 

Big voice says

(No response)

 

Small voice says

I am thankful for this life

All of it.